A Conversation Between John and Hillary

The following is a fictitious encounter. Any slight resemblance to the actual characters is purely intentional.


Setting: A back corridor on Capitol Hill
Characters: John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Joe Lieberman


McCain: Uh, Hill, you know, ever since that incident in Europe several years ago, you know, when you and I had that contest to see who could drink the most booze without either giving up or passing out?

Hillary: Yeah, John, I remember the first part of it, but the end of it is a bit fuzzy.

McCain: Well, I don't remember a thing about the end of it, ahem, but that is besides the point.

Hillary: (Laughing) Yeah, you little twerp, I beat the socks off ya!

McCain: (Not laughing) As I said, that is not the point, but maybe, in a way it IS the point.

Hillary: Just what IS your point, John?

McCain: Well, Hill, ever since that time, I have been quite concerned...you know, about your ability to consume a copious amount of alcohol and never miss a beat, until you've had enough to fill the Atlantic Ocean.

Hillary: So I can hold my liquor and you can't! You jealous?

McCain: Hillary, please. I'm trying to be serious here as your friend.

Hillary: Ok, Ok...you think I have a drinking problem, don't you.

McCain: Well, it did cross my mind.

Hillary: And you are just now bringing it up? This must have something to do with that deal I offered you the other day...ya know, you switch over to the Democrats, and I will offer you the opportunity to be my running mate?

McCain: Oh, no no. I'm not too keen on that offer, Hill, as much as I appreciate the thought. I want to be President. I have the experience and the maturity. I would not be interested in being Vice President. I'm just concerned about your health more than anything.

Hillary: (Rolls eyes) Ohhh, John, get over it. I have had a drinking problem on and off. I get help. But sometimes I relapse. You know Bill and me. We both have our problems. When HE relapses, though, he buries his head under the sheets...in a manner of speaking...with the nearest bimbo he can find.

Uncontrolled laughter breaks out among the two.

Hillary: When I relapse I only hide and hibernate for about three or four days, then everything is back to normal. Well, hell, it only happens three or four times a year, I swear.

McCain: Hmmmmm. Well, glad to hear it isn't so bad, after all, Hill. Hey, I have a meeting to attend. Talk to ya later.

McCain: (Walks down the corridor thinking to himself) 'Three or four times per year'...wow...at least four weeks out of the year I will be President, maybe even more! Hmmmm. Making mental note to reconsider that offer.....

Hillary: (Walks in other direction down the corridor thinking to herself) Ha! Now I've got him! Worked like a charm. Now, let's see what that vast freakin' rightwing conspiracy and the rest of the Republicans do with my dream ticket! (Snickers) I STOLE one of their own candidates! What complete clowns!

Hillary bumps into Senator Joe Lieberman.

Lieberman: Oh hi, Hillary, glad I bumped into you. I wanted to tell you that I am seriously considering switching to the Republican Party. They are practically making me an offer I can't refuse.

Hillary: Joe, I trust your judgment. Just carefully think it through before deciding. Now, I gotta run...have one of those damn meetings, ya know.

Hillary mutters to herself as she walks away: Asshole.