The Capitalist in All of Us

Washington, DC (TLS). The venerable Walter Williams (our favorite intellectual) put forth a proposal in a recent column that put our minds into overdrive. His column was on the subject of tobacco smoke and how much smoke-free air is worth to those who seem determined to ban smoking entirely.

Williams decided to try a little experiment. It went something like this. When a sponsor called to ask Williams to deliver a keynote address, he would say, 'Yes, I will do it, but only if I am allowed to smoke.'

The last time he tried this the sponsor was a representative in the U.S. Congress who had asked Williams to deliver an address in one of the forum rooms at the U.S. Capitol. Smoking, of course, is not allowed in those particular areas.

Williams informed his sponsor that he would not come unless he were allowed to smoke.

The Congressman got permission for Williams to smoke. Why? Because he placed more value on Williams' words of wisdom than he did smoke-free air.

This got us to thinking. Perhaps we could try this experiment on a more personal level, such as a private residence.

You see, I maintain that no matter how vehemently certain persons denounce capitalism, there is a capitalist lurking inside each and every member of the human race. How do I know this? Because everyone has their price.

In this case, I wanted to know how much a smoke-free environment in a private residence was worth to the owners.

I realized there are those who cannot under any circumstance be around tobacco smoke for various reasons, such as allergies, asthma, or other various and sundry lung problems that effect breathing. In those circumstances, no price can be placed on the value of smoke-free air...in most cases. But certainly not all. Even many of those have a price. regardless of their health status.

My experiment would commence on a recent trip out of town to a place where I was covering a story in East Tennessee. I was to stay in the home of some close friends overnight. These friends are non-smokers.

After I had come in from a long day, we shared a meal and settled down to a DVD and some fine Scotch. This seemed a good time to begin my experiment. So, I asked, 'I know you folks don't smoke, but I gotta tell ya, this Scotch just seems to cry out for a good cigar. How much are you willing to take as payment for granting me permission to smoke?'

They looked at each other with an uncomfortable but amused deportment, and stated that they did not want any smoke in the house, period. It was then that I upped the ante.

'Would you take 100 bucks for the right to smoke?'

This brought forth laughter. When they saw I was dead-serious, they said, once again, 'We don't place a premium on smoke-free air.'

I calmly stated, 'Ok, I understand, but I do believe that everyone has their price. And I sure would like a cigar with this Scotch. So, would you take 500 bucks?'

The amused and uncomfortable deportment changed almost immediately to dead-seriousness.

'You would pay us 500 dollars to allow you to smoke your cigar?'

'I sure would,' I said.

They whispered to each other for a bit, and then said they didn't know if 500 would be enough, given the fact that they would need to deodorize their furniture and clothing.

Then, I dropped the biggie on them. I said, 'Ok, I want to be completely fair about this. I am willing to give you 1000 dollars to smoke. 1000 bucks...in cash.'

The wife looked at her husband in astonishment and said, 'Dang, honey, that will pay for 6 months' worth of your medication!' Her husband has a digestive disorder.

'One thousand dollars in cash, tonight, for the permission to smoke your cigar....' they said.

'That's right,' I said, '1000 big ones, cash on the barrel-head.'

They looked at each other and nodded. 'We'll take it!!'

I gave them the 1000 bucks, I lit up my cigar, and everyone was happy--that is, with the exception of that part of me that was moaning over the fact that I just dropped 1000 big ones just to prove a point.

Thus, in this case, smoke-free air inside a private residence was worth the grand sum of 1000 dollars. They can denounce smoking with all the righteous indignation they can muster--up to the 1000-dollar line of demarcation.

But 1000 dollars in cash was their price. For that price they were willing to give up on their insistence on smoke-free air.

My friends, if the price is right, most of our supposed pet peeves go flying out the window, including tobacco smoke. Everyone has a price. And that is why I maintain that inside of every single human being on earth there is a capitalist lurking.

In the frenzied mad dash of municipalities to ban smoking in bars and restaurants and other public places, perhaps business owners should demand to be paid by those municipalities for their clean air. How much is that clean air worth to the municipality? After all, it is that municipality that is demanding that business owners stop a practice inside of a privately-owned enterprise, thus meddling in the affairs of private property owners.

If those municipalities and taxpayers who demand a smoke-free environment are truly serious about the issue of smoke-free air, then how much is it worth to them? As a business owner I would demand that the municipality pay me 5000 bucks per month to prevent my customers from smoking.

If the taxpayers and the city officials think that smoke-free air is not worth 5000 bucks per month, then maybe they are not all that serious about the importance of 'clean air.' After all, I lose business when I prevent my smoking customers from smoking. Plus, you would be so pompous as to assume you have any right whatsoever to interfere in what happens on private property--which you do not. It seems to me that 5000 bucks per month is a fair price to ask for the right to dictate how I treat my customers and to insure smoke-free air.

Do I expect this to get anywhere with these collectivists who interfere in private enterprise? No. The 'pc' police in most metropolitan areas is much too strong and much too oblivious to common sense.